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Wait a minute. I thought you said you wanted to hit the local crag today with the little ones? Oh, so you don’t want to go on a hike? You’d rather hang inside? But I thought the Patagonia vest, Kavu pants and Subaru indicated you were down for a toddler-in-tow bouldering sessions I’m confused. When you said you’d like to go climbing sometime you meant never?

Why is it so difficult to find other parents that are excited to take their toddlers on outdoor adventures? Does the hassle outweigh the time spent climbing or hiking so much that you’ll wait years till he’s old enough to do it on his own? Apparently, it is. Finding a willing parent is much harder than I ever thought it would be. I don’t live in a particularily lazy town, so when Baby C was no longer just a thought, I was certain there would be plenty of families out there who continue to pursue their outdoor adventures post baby. Again, I was wrong. Okay okay, I’m sure you’re out there. Maybe we’ve even seen each other at the grocery store? Maybe, that woman I thought was giving me a strange look while I let Baby C stand on the grocery cart seat was really just attempting to communicate her desire to go climbing with her toddler too telepathically!

When I do meet a climber parent their initial reaction to a family climbing trip is “My wife can stay home with the kids.” Bah! In my book, that’s just not how it works. You had a kid, planned or unplanned, and now they’re a part of your life. Your WHOLE life. Of course that doesn’t mean if you’re attempting a summit to Mt. Rainier that you bring them along. As a courtesy to your partner and your child, take them with you. And wear a damn smile on your face! Not only will it help to develop a love for the outdoors for your child, but also, your entire family gets to share in the experience. Resentment need not apply. He’s too heavy? You only got three routes in today? Boo-stinking-hoo. In a couple of years you’ll be back ticking off one route after the other and bagging peaks left and right. But in those couple short years with your toddler in the backcountry, you will have given him something that will last a lifetime. When he’s fifteen, he’ll look through pictures of toddler climbing trips and think (even if he won’t admit it), “dang homie, my parents were awesome.” I could go on and on about the importance of taking your kids outside (better physical, emotional, mental health – stewardship – imagaination -etc.), but I won’t.

This is a personal ad to all of your lovely climber parents:

Family seeking other awesome family who likes to spank crags and not kids

We enjoy bringing our toddler climbing, backpacking and skiing. We don’t take breaks on hikes, but instead just slow down to the pace of molasses. If you need to stop, we won’t judge, we’ll just hope you catch up. Our child determines our schedule and we respect his limitations. If it’s time to go, it’s time to go. We’re looking for a like minded family who loves bringing their kid climbing or hiking. Parents who are down for all sorts of adventures and mean it when they say it. Seeking family who let’s their kid get absolutely filthy. Seeking parents who aren’t afraid to get out there and keep pursuing the activities they love!

Signed,

F.A.M.I.L.Y

(family adventures make intelligent little yougens)

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Hey Baby, Don’t Be Lazy

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Just because your sixteen month old acts like a baby, doesn’t mean you should give them a free pass to be lazy. Stick him in a harness (yes, they make them small enough) and make him climb an easy 5.6.  Okay, so he doesn’t actually use his hands and feet. For the most part, “climbing” for your baby, really translates as you pulling him up the wall.

If you find it difficult to convince your baby to go climbing, just have a little chat with him about the importance of excerise. This is how my conversations have gone with Baby C:

“Baby C, I noticed you’ve been napping a lot today and I thought it might be nice to go to the gym for a little bit?”

Baby C stares blankly at me, which obviously means he’s mocking me.

“Okay, so clearly you’re not into it. Your dad and I really think it’s important you start practicing early if you want to fulfill your dream of becoming a world champion rock climber / mountaineer / skier/ poet. So let’s go.”

Baby C leaves the room and returns thirty seconds later with a grape he found on the floor. Mind you, we hadn’t given him any grapes in days.

“This is serious.” I say very sternly.

“Bubble,” says Baby C.

“A bubble would make a a terrible climbing partner. No limbs and very fragile.”

Baby In A Garbage Can

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Garbage cans are extremely versatile. Not only can you put garbage in them, you can also bathe your ten month old baby in them. Camping is quite the ordeal with a baby and if you have a child like mine, you will do anything to keep in line with their routine. If you stray from the norm, baby will have multiple meltdowns and you will suffer the wrath of an adorably horrific monster.

Bath time is number two in the series of five regimented tasks before bedtime. They are all necessary in inducing sleep and giving Baby C the queue’s he needs in order to know “ohhhhh, I get it. You want me to go to sleep now.” Without bath time, you might as well welcome the apocalypse in because Baby C will reign fury upon you.

Obviously the anticipation is killing you now and you’re just beside yourself with anxiety. Wait no more! I will divulge my garbage bath secrets!

First, clean your garbage can out. Second, heat up yellowish-brown pumped water at the campsite. Third, fill up the garbage can. Fourth, put baby in garbage can. Fifth, take pictures of baby bottom smooshed against garbage can. Sixth, watch baby enjoy the hell out of himself!

That’s it. Your baby is now clean and he can move onto step three in the series of five.

Bouldering in Pink Aquasocks

Apparently it’s frowned upon to tether your baby to a tree, while you and your husband climb a couple of quick sport routes? Even IF he’s on a crash pad, and is obviously very content to be eating a little dirt and chalk, it’s just not okay. If Baby C began to cry, one of us would simply unhook from the rope and console him. Oh, the climber? They’d just have to sit tight and hope for big jugs to hold onto.

In our last trip for 2013 climbing season, we went to our beloved Leavenworth. If you don’t know about this place, don’t go there, it’s awful. Totally sucks. I’d rather watch five hundred Youtube videos on tips for Microsoft Excell. Just kidding, it’s our favorite place in the whole wide world! Not only is it home to one of the best authentic German bakery’s, it’s also home to world class climbing. Coincidence? I think not! Hidden in the Cascade mountains is a real gem. Nestled below one of the most beautiful sub ranges, the Enchantments, Leavenworth offers not only awesome views, but an array of sticky slab, fun bouldering and stiff ratings that are matched with even stiffer routes. Bring your crash pad and trad rack. If you have more time and no kid, then check out some alpine climbs (popular classics located in Beckey’s books). What happened? I got sidetracked. Oh yeah, Leavenworth blows, don’t go.

We didn’t end up tying any babies to trees. Instead, we opted to do a little bouldering at Barney’s Rubble, Swiftwater and Mad Meadows. All three spots offer excellent varieties of ratings, which was great because once you make the switch from bouldering to sport, those softer routes are gentler on the ego. It’s always surprising to see people’s reactions when they notice a baby hanging out on a crash pad. At Mad Meadows, we were greeted over and over again by welcoming climbers who were stoked to see a baby at the crag. I think this one of the only places you will find a group of twenty something’s men, ask to hold a baby. This does not happen in day to day life, test it! I won’t lie, taking your baby bouldering is no picnic. You have to be extremely conscious of where he is at all times. Rocks and other obstacles are on your radar as well as that 6’2 lanky climber who just missed his heal hook and is now falling right next to your baby. Fortunately, on this trip, we managed to keep Baby C unsmooshed. After a day of climbing, we went back to the campsite and made a giant bowl of food. Side note: ever notice while camping, food tastes more amazing than anything you’ve ever had in your life.

Day two, we headed for a short hike up to Eight Mile Lake. Nevermind that it was 90 degrees. The hike is very easy and a nice distance when playing donkey to your twenty pound love child. We arrived at the first little lake before the actual Eight Mile lake and let Baby C roll around in the mud. The finL destination was a refreshing payoff with awesome mountain views. This is a great hike for families. It’s steep enough to cause your children anguish and you’ll probably hear a lot of whining, but not so steep that they will give up all together. All in all, the last trip of the season was very satisfying.

The take home: take your baby outside! Take your baby bouldering if it’s just you and one other person or sport climb if there’s a babysitter at the crag. Please, I beg of you. If you had a kid, and you think your climbing days are over, they aren’t! It’s just different, but think about how awesome they’ll think you are when they’re fifteen…or maybe twenty. Or maybe they’ll have a lot of resentment because instead of letting them play video games, you took them rock climbing? Don’t worry, you’ll have that covered because you’ll have already saved up for a college/and-or/ therapy fund!

Lastly, I discovered something absolutely hilarious on this trip. If you put pink shoes on a baby, it’s automatically a girl. Baby C grew out of his shoes in exactly 24 hours, so we our only option was a pair of bright pink aquasocks at a convenient store. Just seconds before slipping on those gender determining articles, Baby C was “a handsome boy” as one retail associate said. I know I shouldn’t be surprised because I myself cannot pick the gender of a baby under the age of two unless they have distinguishing clothing. Who cares anyways, they are all adorable, amazing creatures who don’t care what box we out them in.

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Skiing With Your Baby

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Baby C had just turned eight months old when we got home from our trip visiting family in Europe. While in Germany, we went skiing at the highest ski resort in all of Duetchland. Zugslitze is roughly 3000 meters (10,000 ft) high and is home to three glaciers. There are 360 degree panoramic views of stunning alpine gloriousness. However, the skiing is subpar and most Germans don’t actually come here for the skiing, rather more for the novelty of it. because we didnt satisfy our ski urges, when we got home we needed to hit the slopes immediately. It would be the first time Baby C would ride with my husband down the mountain. Our local favorite mountain is White Pass for its killer expansion with open, fluffy terrain and excellent tree runs. They also allow baby in backpacks! It’s best to check with your local mountain before bringing baby on the slopes because some resorts do not allow it.

Our biggest concerns skiing with an eight month old were:

-Warmth. Keeping baby warm is crucial. He’s not moving, so he needs extra layers.

-Type of carrier. The first time we used a serious backpack carrier but in hindsight we would have used the Ergo. Balance is way off with the backpack, it’s bulkier and more difficult to hold on the chairlift. The Ergo is better because it holds baby closer to you keeping him warmer and the transition from back to front on chairlift is much more manageable.

-Falling or being run into.

Did I miss anything? I left the last one unexplained because there is a lot to say about it. It’s everyone’s biggest concern and I just know it’s YOUR biggest worry. There are two camps on skiing with a baby and typically not much of a middle ground. There’s the “no way, too dangerous, how irresponsible” camp and then there the “go for it, do whatever, it’s your baby, your risk” camp. It’s obvious where my husband and I stand. We have no delusions about the situation and we take it very seriously. No amount of skill can predict a fall or being run into by another skier. It’s an innate risk, no getting around it. The only control you have in the situation is to be alert and confident in your risk assessment. For instance, don’t pick a weekend day when it’s busiest, don’t ski tree runs, and don’t hit the terrain park. Those are all major duh’s. I will not attempt to convince you to ski with your baby, and no need to convince me otherwise. We have two grandmas to do that. That is all on that topic. The end. Shhh.

How did Baby C like it? He thought it was just okay. Just OKAY!? Ingrate. We just strapped you to our back and zipped down a mountain and it was just okay, mediocre at best? As anticipated, he was scared at first. Mostly he was afraid because it was nap time and every time he’d come out of his sleepy stupor he’d be flying down a mountain. There were moments of excitement for him, but we concluded he would enjoy it more when he got a little older. Was it selfish to take him on the slopes, of course it was, but do we have any regrets? No way. Life keeps going even when you have a baby, so you might as well strap him to your back and keep on living!

If you have any logistical questions, let me know! Share your baby ski story!

38 Weeks and 600 Feet

Whale in a harness
Thirty eight weeks pregnant and I thought “Let’s climb R&D!” It’s a classic Leavenworth slab route with easy to moderate climbing ranging from 5.5 to 5.7 on the ever popular Mountaineer’s Domb. It’s four pitches and 600 vertical feet of solid climbing. It was the last climbing trip my husband and I would have by ourselves.

So there I was, in my five point harness and my humongous body, resting at the bottom of the wall, looking up, wondering if this was a good idea? Really, my husband and our other climbing partner were more concerned that I would go into labor half way up the route. Honestly, how cool would that be? Three hundred feet up, screaming bloody murder and bam! Baby C falls out of me, only to be hanging on by the umbilical cord! Come on! Talk about EPIC. Believe it or not, climbing at 38 weeks pregnant is difficult. Not only do you weigh an extra 30-40 pounds, but you’re carrying it mostly in your stomach, so balance is completely off and not to mention, lifting your tub of lard up a vertical wall is extremely taxing! Who knew?

Up the buttress we went! The first pitch is mostly made up of low fifth class climbing, but pleasant all the same. For a second, I thought everything would be a piece of cake. I moved slowly up the rock, onto the second belay station to greet my hyperventilating husband. He was overjoyed there was no baby hanging out of me but before we could rejoice, we looked above and grimaced. A chimney. Oh god, not a chimney. For those of you non climbers, a chimney is a rock cleft with parallel sides just big enough to fit the climber in. The climber uses opposite pressure with their entire body to shimmy up the structure. Normally, this is a fun feature because you can use nearly any part of your body to get up it. However, when there is a giant yoga ball attached to your middle, a chimney is a cause for concern. Think about Violet from Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory getting lodged in a chimney. I was sure I would burst and amniotic fluid would shoot out of me given the right amount of pressure. Essentially, I would be juiced. my husband went first, reached the belay station and nervously waited to see my head pop up from below. No amount of “think skinny” will help you here ladies. Squeezing and grunting, and with a pull here and squish there, I was out! All fluids retained! Now all that remained was a couple of fist jams in a hand crack and lie back flake…

The last pitch was an easy jaunt up slab. Upon reaching the top I was greeted with a creepily long hug (even for my husband). It was a hug that said “we will never do that again.” Once our partner Dave reached the top, we concluded this route was an excellent 38 weeks pregnant route with tons of great features from chimneys, to handcracks and lie back flakes. Classic!

The scramble down was more painful than the entire climb. Had I been in a non-incubator form, it would’ve been much more manageable. Once we reached the bottom, we packed the gear up and headed back to our campsite for some delicious wood stained chicken…that’s another story.

Hindsight, would I have done it again? Abso-friggin-lutely! How can I risk the life of my unborn child like that? I could’ve DIED! Baby killer! No really, I would do it again and I would encourage any healthy, strong and conscious mother to be, to continue doing what you do and love. Sure, there was an added fear, but at no point did I feel unsafe. Had I felt my child’s life was at risk at any moment, there would be no question as to stopping. I was and still am confident in my capabilities and risk assessment, so need to bring out the shame police!

Put Your Kid In A Backpack

It’s not easy hauling a baby in a backpack for ten miles, or skiing down a mountain with a six month old straddled to your back. Shit, nothing about having a baby is easy. When my husband and I first found out about our son, we thought “this little creature can’t stop us, we’ll be summiting mountains just a few short months after he’s born!” Ha. Ha. Ha. It’s been nearly two years since our sweet, defenseless, and extremely precious son has entered the world and boy were we wrong. Im not talking, “whoops , I thought you said ‘squash the midgets’ not ‘wash the dishes,'”more like, donkey punch to the face wrong (My husband says that means something sexual but I much prefer an actual donkey punching you in the face with his hooves). Our worlds have turned upside down and while we begged for mercy in the first year (also known as the year of unrelenting sleep deprivation), we have evolved into “those people with the baby.” It’s true, we leave a pile of food smashed on the floor at restaurants, I whip out my boobs in public, and we’re always late, ALWAYS. The only difference between us, and the other baggy eyed servants swimming in a pile of regurgitated food at the restaurant, is our nagging desire to go on an adventure.

Going to the grocery store is a big deal with your child. I’d go so far as to call it an “outing.” Going on a ten mile backpacking trip or rock climbing in leavenworth (you’ll hear a lot about this place in future posts) is a huge deal. It goes beyond “outing” status and into “serious shit” mode. Things to consider before talking your baby/toddler into the great outdoors:

– Who’s going to carry the seemingly weightless feather and how?

– Who’s  going to carry all of the other crap, such as; diapers, wipes, food, extra clothing, lovey bear, favorite book, water bottle, sound machine, crib, bouncy chair, coloring book, etc.

– Naps. Are you a victim to your child’s nap schedule? Don’t you dare mess it up! Keep with the schedule or there will be hell to pay!

-How much energy do you want to exert because you won’t be sleeping for longer than two hours at a time when you get home because someone is still waking you up to play at 11, 1, 3 AM

-Your baby will gets filthy and there’s nothing you can do about it

There are so many considerations before you walk out the door. No more, “Let’s go for a quick trip to the Exits! Grab the harnesses and let’s go!” Yet, we still pursue our hobbies. I have to warn you, being adventurous with your baby doesn’t just entail preparation, it also confronts a whole other set of issues that my husband and I had not anticipated…

Haters. They are everywhere. You can identify them by the following attributes: stink eye, horizontal head shaking with duck lips puckered, incoherent whispers, and if it’s a woman, she’s typically got on a pair of Jordashe jeans, venti cookies and cream starbucks cup and her kid on a leash. But really, haters are all around you. They will be judging and they will be ready to share their opinion with you, given the right moment. On our second climbing trip for the season, my son was one month old. There were three of us so that one person could be with Baby C at all times. The landings were flat and climbing was easy. It was the perfect climbing trip to bring our little rug rat too. Of course someone just had to whisper in a non whispering voice “why the hell would you bring your new baby out here?” Instinctually, I wanted to ripoff my clothes, roll around in mud, carve a spear out of a tree limb and pounce on the man as if he were the last piece of meat before winter. For those of you who know me, don’t worry, I didn’t.  You see, he was a hater. It is inevitable you will come across them, but it’s up to you to remember that whatever judgements they project onto you, it’s their own shit. It’s not about you and if you take it too seriously, you lose. So chill out, smell the evergreens  and do some extra squats because that weightless feather really feels like a big fat sack of blubber on your back.

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