Month: February 2014

Put Your Kid In A Backpack

It’s not easy hauling a baby in a backpack for ten miles, or skiing down a mountain with a six month old straddled to your back. Shit, nothing about having a baby is easy. When my husband and I first found out about our son, we thought “this little creature can’t stop us, we’ll be summiting mountains just a few short months after he’s born!” Ha. Ha. Ha. It’s been nearly two years since our sweet, defenseless, and extremely precious son has entered the world and boy were we wrong. Im not talking, “whoops , I thought you said ‘squash the midgets’ not ‘wash the dishes,'”more like, donkey punch to the face wrong (My husband says that means something sexual but I much prefer an actual donkey punching you in the face with his hooves). Our worlds have turned upside down and while we begged for mercy in the first year (also known as the year of unrelenting sleep deprivation), we have evolved into “those people with the baby.” It’s true, we leave a pile of food smashed on the floor at restaurants, I whip out my boobs in public, and we’re always late, ALWAYS. The only difference between us, and the other baggy eyed servants swimming in a pile of regurgitated food at the restaurant, is our nagging desire to go on an adventure.

Going to the grocery store is a big deal with your child. I’d go so far as to call it an “outing.” Going on a ten mile backpacking trip or rock climbing in leavenworth (you’ll hear a lot about this place in future posts) is a huge deal. It goes beyond “outing” status and into “serious shit” mode. Things to consider before talking your baby/toddler into the great outdoors:

– Who’s going to carry the seemingly weightless feather and how?

– Who’s  going to carry all of the other crap, such as; diapers, wipes, food, extra clothing, lovey bear, favorite book, water bottle, sound machine, crib, bouncy chair, coloring book, etc.

– Naps. Are you a victim to your child’s nap schedule? Don’t you dare mess it up! Keep with the schedule or there will be hell to pay!

-How much energy do you want to exert because you won’t be sleeping for longer than two hours at a time when you get home because someone is still waking you up to play at 11, 1, 3 AM

-Your baby will gets filthy and there’s nothing you can do about it

There are so many considerations before you walk out the door. No more, “Let’s go for a quick trip to the Exits! Grab the harnesses and let’s go!” Yet, we still pursue our hobbies. I have to warn you, being adventurous with your baby doesn’t just entail preparation, it also confronts a whole other set of issues that my husband and I had not anticipated…

Haters. They are everywhere. You can identify them by the following attributes: stink eye, horizontal head shaking with duck lips puckered, incoherent whispers, and if it’s a woman, she’s typically got on a pair of Jordashe jeans, venti cookies and cream starbucks cup and her kid on a leash. But really, haters are all around you. They will be judging and they will be ready to share their opinion with you, given the right moment. On our second climbing trip for the season, my son was one month old. There were three of us so that one person could be with Baby C at all times. The landings were flat and climbing was easy. It was the perfect climbing trip to bring our little rug rat too. Of course someone just had to whisper in a non whispering voice “why the hell would you bring your new baby out here?” Instinctually, I wanted to ripoff my clothes, roll around in mud, carve a spear out of a tree limb and pounce on the man as if he were the last piece of meat before winter. For those of you who know me, don’t worry, I didn’t.  You see, he was a hater. It is inevitable you will come across them, but it’s up to you to remember that whatever judgements they project onto you, it’s their own shit. It’s not about you and if you take it too seriously, you lose. So chill out, smell the evergreens  and do some extra squats because that weightless feather really feels like a big fat sack of blubber on your back.

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